Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.

I never met a kid I liked.

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.