It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.

I never met a kid I liked.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never work with animals or children.