The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything - coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine whisky.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.