The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
I never met a kid I liked.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.