Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
Never work with animals or children.
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.