Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!

I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.