In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.

In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.