Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.