How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.