Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck