The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.