The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck

All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.