Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.