A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.