Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.

A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.