The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

I never met a kid I liked.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas