The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.