The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?