The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.