The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm looking for loopholes.

I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.