The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.