The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

The best thing to break is a contract.

Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.