I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!