I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.