I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

Never work with animals or children.

I'm looking for loopholes.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.