I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.

The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.

The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.

A pessimist is one who builds dungeons in the air.