I think the worst one [indian mascot] is the Cleveland Indians' Big Chief Wahoo. It's just a red face on a baseball with a big, toothy grin. It's the Sambo of all other offensive mascots. I have never seen a Native American smile that hard before, not even at a casino opening.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.