Wanda Sykes Quotes

I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.

In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.

I have a well-balanced show. It's 50/50 on men/women, and also African-American/white writers, it's the same thing. I have four African-American writers, and four non-African-American writers.

I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.

All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.

It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.

Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.

I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone.

What drives the creative person is that we see it all.

white criminals commit the biggest crimes.a brother might rob a bank. a white man will rob a pension fund. the brother is going to get ten to fifteen years because he had a gun. the white guy is going to get a congressional hearing because he had a job and a nice suit.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.

My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.

Writers get to stay with the piece. They don't just turn the script in and somebody else takes it over and goes out and produces it and edits it and all that stuff. We stay with the piece all the way through.

Men don't hear women.

What gets me is when celebrities aren't allowed to have an opinion on anything political. There's the whole 'Shut up and sing' thing.

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product.

The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.'

I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am.

Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.

L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

We never hid anything from the kids. I feel whole again, I really do. I've told them, 'Mommy's boo-boo is much better now.'

I always had one goal, and that was to be a real funny stand-up comic, and that's pretty much what I'm doing. And everything else is kind of like gravy - TV, movies.

I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real.

Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida... Good grief... Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole.

I'm really funny now.

Mostly everything gets worse before it gets better.

There's times when I'm really shy, so these roles that I get to play, they're how I would love to really be. And that's why I love doing stand-up, because it gives me the freedom to say what I really want to say. I think that's why it's my favorite thing to do.

I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.

I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys.

I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

We got to stop doing that, ladies. You know, men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.

I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy.

Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. I hope his kidneys fail.

I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay.

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

Women and our right to choose were going to be challenged with Ashcroft around. When Bush appointed Ashcroft, I went out and got me four abortions. I stocked up. The doctor was like, "Listen, you're not pregnant." I said, "Hey, just shut up and do your job. I'm exercising my right while I can, dammit.

The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man, the most powerful man in the world, is on national TV apologizing for receiving oral sex. He's an idiot. There are men sitting in here right now who would gladly accept oral sex on national TV.

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.