I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.

What drives the creative person is that we see it all.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

There are just so many more laws and rules that apply with marriage that do not come with domestic partnership and also to me it's the commitment.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.

I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.