Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida... Good grief... Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.