I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

I love my family but my family - they're the type of people that never let you forget anything you ever did... I was in the first grade Christmas play - I'm playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby Jesus... They still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one of my cousins just had a baby. So I'm like, 'Oh, that's a cute little baby. Let me hold the baby...' And my aunt runs over, 'Don't you give her that baby! You know she dropped the baby Jesus!'

Once you start making money, you can be an ass. But I am not an ass. I'm too lazy, that takes a lot of energy.

That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.

Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.