I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me!

The only way to really have safe sex is to abstain. From drinking.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.