My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.

I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.

I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.