I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me!

I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.

I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.