I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.