There is no such thing as a self-cleaning oven.
A $20 haircut hardly ever lasts longer than a $5 haircut.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Always take an extra quarter to the laundry room.
The chief beneficiary of life insurance policies for young, single people is the life insurance agent.
Seek but provision of bread and wine, fools to flatter, and clothing fine; and nothing of God shall ever be thine.