How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.

It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.