How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

Voters want a fraud they can believe in.

When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.