It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point

Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars

The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.

Voters want a fraud they can believe in.

It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.