There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.

The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.

The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.

In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.