Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

Fantasy is seductive and much more wonderful than reality, but you can't take it to the bank. It's always an escape. And if used as an escape, as in attending a movie or a show for a circumscribed period of time, it's fine. When it starts to become undifferentiated from reality, it leads to big trouble.

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife