I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.

I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.

While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.

I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.

Your audience teaches you how to be funny.