Paranoia is knowing all the facts.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs.

In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.

Fantasy is seductive and much more wonderful than reality, but you can't take it to the bank. It's always an escape. And if used as an escape, as in attending a movie or a show for a circumscribed period of time, it's fine. When it starts to become undifferentiated from reality, it leads to big trouble.

There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.