Paranoia is knowing all the facts.

In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.