I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)

Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be."

A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates.

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.

You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.

Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?