Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.

Side Effects Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.