Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.

You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.

The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellectual because I wear these glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.