When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

The best an idea gets is when its in your head.

I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.

Your audience teaches you how to be funny.

Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.