It's important to control yourself because life gets too complicated if you don't, but the impulse is often there for people. Some say society should be more open. That doesn't work either.

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.