Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.

I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it.

My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.