I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.