Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.

If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.

What was the scandal? I fell in love with this girl, married her. We have been married for almost 15 years now.