There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.

Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.

Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.

Well, if I don't get at least 16 hours, I'm a basket case.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.