In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.

In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.

I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York.

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.

I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood; I was breast-fed through falsies.

A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates.