The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

90 per cent of success is turning up.

There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.

Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.