I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.

God, you Jews are truly exotic." Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.

Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.