Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.

I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions...

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.