Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues [spiritual] - that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs.

This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don’t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

I'm awash in self-contempt!

I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.