As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.

I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.