I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one

In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.

Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.