I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.

In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.

When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

Me and nature are two.

Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.